Dinger's Aviation Pages
THE COLOSSUS OF HOLLYWOOD
Letters sent to the Terry Wogan BBC radio morning show, concerning "Deadly" Alan Dedicoat, newsreader of the show and "Voice of the Balls" lottery announcer. I used to love listening to Terry Wogan on my morning commute. One recurring theme of the show was Terry reading out letters sent in by viewers to the newsreaders, Alan Dedicoat, John Marsh and Fran Godfrey, "intercepted" by the producer, Paul Walters. I knew Terry had a particular fondness for Thomas Woodrooffe's drunken radio commentary of the Spithead review where the fleet was "All Lit Up". Sure enough, when Terry read out the first letter on-air he got to the bit about being "lit up" and collapsed with laughter, unable to continue.
12th December 2001
From: The Dedicoat Statue Committee,
Hollywood,
Worcestershire,
Dear Mr Dedicoat,
The whole of our little Worcestershire village of Hollywood is excited as the day draws near for the unveiling of the statue to you, our most famous son. You were right when you said we would have no problem getting a grant from the lottery for it. The mighty granite pedestal is even now in position, on that bit of grass opposite your old teenage watering hole the Packhorse Inn (now a Harvester).
The statue committee has had a sneak preview of the finished bronze monument and I can report it is magnificent. You are clad in a toga, like a Roman Emperor, your steely eyes fixed on the horizon, your right arm extended, pointing the way ahead while your left hand grasps the balls which have brought you so much fame. As you asked, you will be all lit up at night.
Just one question. Which way would you like to be pointing? South to London to the scene of your success? Or perhaps North to the Balti belt of Birmingham, which you love so well? Or maybe pointing East up May Lane to the shops? Or West, up Packhorse Lane to your brother Ray`s place? Or how about pointing straight at the old Packhorse Inn, where the stain from that incident with the barmaid can still be seen on the ceiling? Let us know wont you!
Now to the unveiling. The committee feel that to carry out such a job we need someone distinguished. Someone who knows you well, perhaps someone you have worked with for many years. We feel only an Icon of British Broadcasting would do the event justice. Do you think Philip Scofield would do it?
You will be glad to know those signposts we talked about at our last meeting are now in place. Anyone getting off the M42 at Junction 3 will now be met by a sign proclaiming "You are now in Dedicoat Country".
Hope to hear from you soon.
From: The Dedicoat Statue Committee,
Hollywood,
Worcestershire,
Dear Mr Dedicoat,
The whole of our little Worcestershire village of Hollywood is excited as the day draws near for the unveiling of the statue to you, our most famous son. You were right when you said we would have no problem getting a grant from the lottery for it. The mighty granite pedestal is even now in position, on that bit of grass opposite your old teenage watering hole the Packhorse Inn (now a Harvester).
The statue committee has had a sneak preview of the finished bronze monument and I can report it is magnificent. You are clad in a toga, like a Roman Emperor, your steely eyes fixed on the horizon, your right arm extended, pointing the way ahead while your left hand grasps the balls which have brought you so much fame. As you asked, you will be all lit up at night.
Just one question. Which way would you like to be pointing? South to London to the scene of your success? Or perhaps North to the Balti belt of Birmingham, which you love so well? Or maybe pointing East up May Lane to the shops? Or West, up Packhorse Lane to your brother Ray`s place? Or how about pointing straight at the old Packhorse Inn, where the stain from that incident with the barmaid can still be seen on the ceiling? Let us know wont you!
Now to the unveiling. The committee feel that to carry out such a job we need someone distinguished. Someone who knows you well, perhaps someone you have worked with for many years. We feel only an Icon of British Broadcasting would do the event justice. Do you think Philip Scofield would do it?
You will be glad to know those signposts we talked about at our last meeting are now in place. Anyone getting off the M42 at Junction 3 will now be met by a sign proclaiming "You are now in Dedicoat Country".
Hope to hear from you soon.
Dear Mr Dedicoat,
You asked to be kept fully informed of the grim events that unfolded this weekend in our sleepy little Worcestershire village of Hollywood. A fuller picture of the dark deeds is now emerging. It seems that around midnight on Saturday a big 4x4 car drew up alongside your statue opposite the Packhorse public house. Two stout gentlemen, a bearded oriental man and a young Anita Harris look-alike were seen to get out of it and throw a rope over your statue which was then tied to the back of the 4x4. To shouts and cheers your magnificent image was pulled from it's pedestal, leaving the legs behind. The filthy vandals drove off and were last seen making their getaway in the bus lane past the Maypole. It seems the same people may have been responsible for defacing the "Welcome to Dedicoat Country" signs on Junction 3 of the M42.
Your statue was recovered and taken into the Packhorse pub, where it sits legless by the bar - Still clutching the balls that made you famous and pointing gallantly in the direction of the Whisky.
Sad days indeed for the good people of Hollywood - Who could have done such a thing?
You asked to be kept fully informed of the grim events that unfolded this weekend in our sleepy little Worcestershire village of Hollywood. A fuller picture of the dark deeds is now emerging. It seems that around midnight on Saturday a big 4x4 car drew up alongside your statue opposite the Packhorse public house. Two stout gentlemen, a bearded oriental man and a young Anita Harris look-alike were seen to get out of it and throw a rope over your statue which was then tied to the back of the 4x4. To shouts and cheers your magnificent image was pulled from it's pedestal, leaving the legs behind. The filthy vandals drove off and were last seen making their getaway in the bus lane past the Maypole. It seems the same people may have been responsible for defacing the "Welcome to Dedicoat Country" signs on Junction 3 of the M42.
Your statue was recovered and taken into the Packhorse pub, where it sits legless by the bar - Still clutching the balls that made you famous and pointing gallantly in the direction of the Whisky.
Sad days indeed for the good people of Hollywood - Who could have done such a thing?
TO: Mr Alan Dedicoat
FROM: Alan Dedicoat Statue Committee, Hollywood Worcestershire.
Dear Mr Dedicote,
The great day will soon be upon us, our little sleepy Worcestershire village of Hollywood is waiting with bated breath for the great unveiling of the new statue of you, our most famous son, to replace the one so wantonly vandalised last year.
To do you justice, the new statue is 200 foot high and will straddle the Alcester road, one foot filling the car park of the Packhorse pub, the old-folks flats on the other side of the road have been levelled to make way for the other foot. You will bestride Hollywood like a colossus!
Like the previous one, the new statue is in Roman garb - However a full toga would have prevented the double decker buses getting up the Alcester road. So you are in a shorter garment (think Lurcio in "Up Pompeii"). That, and a certain bow-leggedness will allow traffic to run as normal.
As before you will be all lit up at night. Two searchlights will play across your magnificent balls (the lottery balls are a feature of the new design).
How I look forward to showing you around the inside of the structure - A spiral staircase winds its way up one leg to the "Belly Button" cafe- From there you can ascend more stairs to the magnificent viewing platform in the head where you can look out of your eyes - You'll be able to see Wythall and Druids Heath - On a clear day you'll be able to see clear to Frankley Beeches. - There are also views downwards through your magnificent flared nostrills - so you'll be able to look down your nose at your old neighbours in Hollywood.
Yours Sincerely
Pete Bogg
Hon Sec, Alan Dedicote Statue committee
FROM: Alan Dedicoat Statue Committee, Hollywood Worcestershire.
Dear Mr Dedicote,
The great day will soon be upon us, our little sleepy Worcestershire village of Hollywood is waiting with bated breath for the great unveiling of the new statue of you, our most famous son, to replace the one so wantonly vandalised last year.
To do you justice, the new statue is 200 foot high and will straddle the Alcester road, one foot filling the car park of the Packhorse pub, the old-folks flats on the other side of the road have been levelled to make way for the other foot. You will bestride Hollywood like a colossus!
Like the previous one, the new statue is in Roman garb - However a full toga would have prevented the double decker buses getting up the Alcester road. So you are in a shorter garment (think Lurcio in "Up Pompeii"). That, and a certain bow-leggedness will allow traffic to run as normal.
As before you will be all lit up at night. Two searchlights will play across your magnificent balls (the lottery balls are a feature of the new design).
How I look forward to showing you around the inside of the structure - A spiral staircase winds its way up one leg to the "Belly Button" cafe- From there you can ascend more stairs to the magnificent viewing platform in the head where you can look out of your eyes - You'll be able to see Wythall and Druids Heath - On a clear day you'll be able to see clear to Frankley Beeches. - There are also views downwards through your magnificent flared nostrills - so you'll be able to look down your nose at your old neighbours in Hollywood.
Yours Sincerely
Pete Bogg
Hon Sec, Alan Dedicote Statue committee
